Life...Why Does It Have To Be So Dang Hard?

The past week has been a little rough emotionally. When I was younger I thought that all my insecurities, all the times that I didn't feel like I fit in, all the work friendships/relationships takes, would all magically become easier. We would all get along because we are adults. We would all be less selfish because we "know" that we should put others before ourselves. We would be confident in who we are because, well, who cares. 

Sadly, this isn't true. Friendships/relationships don't become easier. The frustrations and arguments and fights look different, but they are still there. Being sinful people, we still have to work at putting others before ourselves, and often it is easier to think only of what I want when I want it. I still fight all the same insecurities that I have since the day I knew what those were-am I boring? Am I too ugly? Am I too fat? Does anyone like me? What if I say the wrong thing? It's true that they have a lot less power over me now than they did when I was 15, but I am sad to say that they are still there. Looming in the back of my mind. Waiting for just the right moment to pop into my head. Moments when I am feeling down and out. Moments when life gets hard. 

So often I feel alone. I have been blessed with some amazing people who I call friends, but so many days I long for someone to truly know me and to care for me. Someone who can look at me and know that I what I need right now is a hug or a kind word. Someone who loves me for who I am-goofiness and all. Someone who can just hold me and help the worries of life fade away, if only for a few moments. I know that the Lord is what I should find my sufficiency in, but sometimes I long for someone with skin on. Someone who can walk this life of faith with me. Who can rejoice in the Lord with me. Who can share in my suffering and pain. 

3 Miles!

I ran 3 miles today and mostly in a row. For those who don't me as well, this is a HUGE accomplishment for me and my athsma. And the fact that I ran over two miles all in a row, walked only for about one sixth of a mile and then ran the rest is a big deal! It gave me the training boost that I needed. The boost that said that all this time and energy spent in the gym aren't a waste of my time! 

Here's to many more 3 mile runs! Now if only swimming could become a little easier...

Triathlon Training

As you may or may not know, I started training for a triathlon last month (January). The prospect of completing a race like this is really invigorating and a little bit scary. Having exercise induced asthma makes something like this a very daunting challenge. Because of the asthma it takes me quite awhile to build up the breathing endurance, and often I get impatient. This past week of training was one of those times. Training really kicked my butt.  It was truly an act of the will to drag myself to the Y everyday knowing that I wouldn't leave for at least and hour and a half. After the workouts I always feel great but in the midst of them I would question why I was putting myself through this torture.  Thankfully, I am not training for this race alone and my fellow trainers were there to encourage and pick me up. I think that this will definitely be a test of my self discipline and my will. I am encouraged to have already seen results, but I know that I still have a long road ahead of me. 

Here's to a test of my will!