Monday, March 23, 2009

Serving. Friends. Refreshment.

Fargo, ND a town about 3 hours away from the Twin Cities is located along the Red River. The unique thing about the Red River is that it flows north instead of south. Because of this it is prone to flooding in the spring when the southern part of the river thaws more quickly than the northern part. Right now the town of Fargo is preparing itself for some massive flooding. The river is already over it's banks and continues to rise. The community has banded together to lay around 2 million sandbags in an effort to stop the water.

My friend Dave had the incredible idea to drive up there for the day to help. We left the Twin Cities at 9 am on Sunday morning and got up there around lunchtime. We parked at the Fargodome and loaded one of the buses bound for the dikes.

Driving to the work site was a tad surreal. The city has built dikes made out of dirt in different portions of the city. These dikes look like large dirt walls running down half of the street, leaving only one lane to drive on. The homes on the other side are blocked in by these dirt dikes on one side and sandbag dikes on the other. The theory behind it is if the water makes it through the sandbags then the wall of dirt will stop it from flooding the entire neighborhood. I had never seen anything like it. Pulling up to the work site our bus our bus slid around a corner. If you have never experienced a bus sliding in slow motion around a corner, it's pretty sweet (only because we didn't hit anything).

We worked for about 5 hours laying sandbags to help build a dike and guesstimate that we helped place around 1,500 sandbags. We also met some fun people in the process: there was a youth group there (which made it feel a little bit like we were on a YouthWorks site), we met 2 people who had worked at camp with one of our co-workers, a man who is the uncle of someone who used to work for YouthWorks, and a guy who is dating a girl who went to high school with Dave. In addition we met a lot of really cool people who live in Fargo.

Getting dirty (we were covered in mud), working side by side with friends and strangers, and accomplishing something tangible was a super refreshing way to spend the day.

The year of 2009 I have dedicated to learning to love others better. To put daily into practice the verse that says "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3). The phrase "consider others better than yourself" has been running on a looped track in my head these last few months. There are moments where I live this out very well and almost want to boast at the way I am putting others ahead of me, but I am ashamed to say that there are many more times where I take the selfish path. The path that looks the way I want it to look and the path that is the most comfortable and convenient for me.

Out there in the mud and muck, lifting 20 lb bags of sand and working with people from all walks of life this phrase often found it's place in my head. I found myself wondering how I could serve these friends and strangers in my midst. I found myself wondering if my sacrifice made a difference, if it had any effect on those around me. But then I remembered that I don't love and serve others for their sake. I love and serve others because they are reflections of the God I love and adore. I love and serve others because Christ calls me to that. I love and serve others because in serving and loving them, I am serving and loving Him.

My head hit the pillow late that night thankful. Thankful for friends and deepening relationships. Thankful for laughter. Thankful for car sing-alongs. Thankful for serving. And thankful for a God who loves me, despite moments of selfishness and vain ambition. Who loves me really, inspite of my sinful self. Who loves me because of the beauty He sees within me.



"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes who were too strong for me.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because
HE DELIGHTED IN ME."
Psalm 18: 16,17,19

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Time of Sacrifice

This post is a collection of all the random thoughts that are floating around in my head as of late:

It's crazy to think that Lent is already upon us. The Christmas season with it's hustle and bustle is a semi-distant memory. January, which turned out to be just as, if not more, busy than December seems like it only ended yesterday and yet March is staring us dead in the eye.

Lent starts tomorrow. Tomorrow I begin a journey that will last 40 days and which will culminate with the celebration of Christ's resurrection. I have decided this year to incorporate fasting into my sacrificial giving up. Fasting to petition the Lord. Fasting to cry out for a word. Fasting to draw me nearer to the heart of God. Fasting to ask for a gift.

As I think about this time I reflect on the current state of my life. Hungry but not satisfied. Longing but unable to seek. A place that wants to be hopeful but a place that more often feels pushed down and held back. I am struggling. Struggling to put God first, struggling to love Him with my whole being, struggling to connect intimately with my Creator, struggling to trust in his goodness in the midst of waiting. There is a hunger inside of me that keeps calling out, keeps asking to be filled. I am scared that as I keep ignoring it that it will become less and less, but that doesn't seem to be the case. In fact, the opposite is true. It seems to be growing bigger and bigger, not allowing me to forget it's existence. It's always there, calling out to me, urging me to come, but when when I do, when I make time, I run up against a brick wall. I don't know what this brick wall is or why it continues to hold me back. It's frustrating. I miss Jesus. I miss sweet fellowship. I miss growth and change. I miss steps made toward my God.

I'm seeking answers to things that have long gone unfulfilled. There are moments where I ask "is this worth it? do i really want to live this christian life?" I am being pushed to a place of trust that is scary and hard. All these may be my walls. Things that hold me back. Ways I am held at bay.

Why can't I break free? Why can't I be totally content just being loved by Jesus? Why do I long for more and more? Why are you silent God? Why can't I get back to that place of sweet fellowship?

i miss you.

i need you.

please hear my cry through sacrifice.

draw me near.