Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Birthday


I celebrated my birthday yesterday and what a day it was. For the first time in 2 years I wasn't sick on my big day, which was a nice treat. I received many great e-mails and e-cards, super fun voicemails (some of which included serenading!), a blizzard and great conversation with a friend, a birthday serenade by my preschool kids (hence the birthday crown in the picture above) at church, and a yummy dinner and cake from my sweet roommates (who also, along with another friend and one of my sisters bought me the last 2 seasons I was missing to round out my "Friends" collection). All in all it was a great day and I was so blessed by all the love poured out to me.
The roommate birthday picture.
Tonya, Elisa, Me, Danita


Elisa was so sweet to make me my most favorite cake-Cold Water Chocolate Cake with Egg White Frosting, a recipe from my Grandma Smith. The sad news is that we didn't go straight to grandma for the recipe and because of that accidentally added too much baking soda. The cake didn't taste so good but the frosting was still amazing! So we just ate the frosting off the top. The picture is of me and the frostingless cake.



The video is of my nephew singing me happy birthday. There is nothing to actually look at because we were in the car at night, but you can hear his sweet little voice. (This actually was filmed last spring, so it wasn't on my birthday-although he did leave me a couple birthday messages with singing yesterday-but he inserted my name in the song and it melts my heart everytime I hear it so I had to include it!



Thank You Everyone for the all the Birthday Love!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Silence was Golden


I have returned from my time of solitude and I can tell you that it was an absolutely beautiful thing. As I went into that time I was so curious to know what the Lord was wanting to teach me. One of my first journal entries upon arrival read:
"Lord, what is it that I am after by being here? What am I hoping to find or experience? I think I am chasing after you. Hoping to find you and hear you in a place so quiet and still. Quiet not because because there isn't any noise, there's lots of that-the wind blowing through the trees, the sounds of cars speeding by on the highway, branches falling to the ground from their perches high above-quiet because there's no T.V. or radio to distract me, no schedule to keep or people to talk to, no cleaning to do, books to read, places to shop. Quiet because all the normal ways I distract myself are gone.

It's weird to be in a place where time doesn't matter. No
place to rush off to. It's amazing how the cares of the world can stick to you. Part of my hopes this wind will blow them out of my mind and off of my body."



I arrived and after a brief introduction was brought to my hermitage. It was named after St Therese of L'isiuex. There is some material on the saint in the hermitage and upon reading the stuff about St Therese I found that she talked about "a love that heals," Christ's love. It struck me then that this was the reason I was here, to experience the healing love of Christ. I had also brought along with me the book "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning and upon beginning to read it I discovered that I was also there to continue to work on trusting the Lord.


Among the paths that were scattered around the grounds there was a cross and I spent some time meditating up on it and upon the resons why I was there:


"I sit facing a cross that is across a meadow. A figure so familiar that it is easy for me to look past it, yet there is something that continually draws my eye to it. There is something beautiful about those two pieces of wood attached together by a simple rope. Something awe inspiring and wonderful. It is as if all the answers to all of life's mysteries could be found if I just looked upon that cross long enough.


I am staying in a hermitage named after St Therese of L'isieux. She is one of only 3 women saints and is the saint of healing. How ironic that I am in that place because I am in desperate need of healing. I think that's why I'm here, for healing. Healing from past hurts, healing from the sins of this world, healing from the burden of caring so deeply for people that I take their hurts upon myself as my own."


The Lord truly did meet me in that place. He showed favor and love upon me. At the end of my time I wasn't ready to walk back into the world. I wanted to stay in this place where it was just meand God. No schedules, no demands, no chances to let myself and others down. A place sacred and special to me and to Him. But He has not called me to hide. He has not called me to live my faith out under a rock. He has called me to be in the world. To love the world and it's people as He loves them. There will be moments where He draws me away and spends time with me alone, but more often He will be walking alongside me through the mud and the muck of this world. He will be working with me to extract the beauty that He has placed here in this life. And He will help me to turn my eyes upon Him and upon the purposes He has for me.


Thank you Lord for a beautiful and sacred time. Thank you for healing and for beginning anew. May I continue in this search for you. May I always be reminded that my purpose here is to bring you glory and to worship you alone.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Silence Will Soon Surround Me

I am headed off today on my first silent retreat. I am headed to a place called Pacem in Terris that is about an hour from Minneapolis for 2 days alone with God. I have been anxiously awaiting this time and now that it is here I am getting a little bit nervous. With no electricity, city noise, or friends/family I know the next couple days will be very quiet. Life feels a bit out of control right now and there seems to be more questions than answers so I am hoping that the quiet will seep into my heart and my mind and that I would find time to just sit with my Creator.

I keep asking myself what I hope to get out of this time and I want to say Answers...but if I am honest I just hope that I meet the Lord. I hope that I can soak in His presence and spend hours listening for His still small voice. I don't know what the next 2 days will hold but I know that I brought only my Bible, "Ruthless Trust," my journal and my art supplies to fill my time.

Lord, please meet me in these days. Jesus wrap me in your loving embrace and help the cares of the world to melt away as water melts away from a piece of ice sitting in the sun. Father I am going to seek your face and to delight in your beauty and presence. Lord I need you. I want you. Please come and meet with me in that place.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Grandeur of God

Valdez, Alaska April 2007
Creation screams of the grandeur of the Lord. I sense it in the rustling of the trees in the wind, the cry of a hawk in search of his lunch, the sky bursting forth with the colors of sunrise and sunset, the sense of peace I feel when I sit silent in a place devoid of human sounds and things. The creation is just one of the amazing works of our magnificent Creator. A God who reveals his love for his people through the painted skies of dusk and dawn.

Cedar Lake, Minneapolis, MN September 2007

Father thank you for the magnificence of your creation. Thank you for using your created things to wrap your arms of love, provision, and protection around us. May I never forget the gift that you have given in the creation of you kingdom.

Minnehaha Falls, Minneaspolis, MN September 2007