I have returned from my time of solitude and I can tell you that it was an absolutely beautiful thing. As I went into that time I was so curious to know what the Lord was wanting to teach me. One of my first journal entries upon arrival read:
"Lord, what is it that I am after by being here? What am I hoping to find or experience? I think I am chasing after you. Hoping to find you and hear you in a place so quiet and still. Quiet not because because there isn't any noise, there's lots of that-the wind blowing through the trees, the sounds of cars speeding by on the highway, branches falling to the ground from their perches high above-quiet because there's no T.V. or radio to distract me, no schedule to keep or people to talk to, no cleaning to do, books to read, places to shop. Quiet because all the normal ways I distract myself are gone.
It's weird to be in a place where time doesn't matter. No
place to rush off to. It's amazing how the cares of the world can stick to you. Part of my hopes this wind will blow them out of my mind and off of my body."
I arrived and after a brief introduction was brought to my hermitage. It was named after St Therese of L'isiuex. There is some material on the saint in the hermitage and upon reading the stuff about St Therese I
found that she talked about "a love that heals," Christ's love. It struck me then that this was the reason I was here, to experience the healing love of Christ. I had also brought along with me the book "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning and upon beginning to read it I discovered that I was also there to continue to work on trusting the Lord.
Among the paths that were scattered around the grounds there was a cross and I spent some time meditating up on it and upon the resons why I was there:
"I sit facing a cross that is across a meadow. A figure so familiar that it is easy for me to look past it, yet there is something that continually draws my eye to it. There is something beautiful about those two pieces of wood attached together by a simple rope. Something awe inspiring and wonderful. It is as if all the answers to all of life's mysteries could be found if I just looked upon that cross long enough.
I am staying in a hermitage named after St Therese of L'isieux. She is one of only 3 women saints and is the saint of healing. How ironic that I am in that place because I am in desperate need of healing. I think that's why I'm here, for healing. Healing from past hurts, healing from the sins of this world, healing from the burden of caring so deeply for people that I take their hurts upon myself as my own."
The Lord truly did meet me in that place. He showed favor and love upon me. At the end of my time I wasn't ready to walk back into the world. I wanted to stay in this place where it was just meand God. No schedules, no demands, no chances to let myself and others down. A place sacred and special to me and to Him. But He has not called me to hide. He has not called me to live my faith out under a rock. He has called me to be in the world. To love the world and it's people as He loves them. There will be moments where He draws me away and spends time with me alone, but more often He will be walking alongside me through the mud and the muck of this world. He will be working with me to extract the beauty that He has placed here in this life. And He will help me to turn my eyes upon Him and upon the purposes He has for me.
Thank you Lord for a beautiful and sacred time. Thank you for healing and for beginning anew. May I continue in this search for you. May I always be reminded that my purpose here is to bring you glory and to worship you alone.