Faith

Faith

One little word that has such a big meaning.

Faith

Something I continually strive for yet something that often eludes me.

Faith

A belief and hope that God is good. That he doesn't change. That he cares about my dreams, my desires, my aches, and my hurts.

Faith

How often I have cried out in faith that the Lord would hear me, that he would hear my cry for decaying marriage, that he would hear my cry for desires unmet and unfulfilled, that he would calm this spirit within me that so easily turns it back to its Creator. Yet how many times have I been met by silence...nothing...not a whisper, not a word...silence...

What do I do when the silence surrounds? When I must truly walk by faith and not by sight or by a word heard. When I must trust in the God who says he is good, who says he loves me, who says all things are for my good and for his glory. What do I do when doubt creeps in and I am too tired to fight? What do I do when questioning creeps in and I agree with it? What then Lord? Why are you silent? Why do you not honor scripture that talks about desire being fulfilled and unfulfilled longing being bad for the soul? I'm too tired to be strong. I'm too tired to hang on. I'm too tired to fight the voices that tell me I'm undesireable and stupid to fight for a marriage doomed to fail.

This is the place where I stand only on faith. Faith that my God truly is good. Faith that he has some sort of plan and purpose. Faith that desire overtaking my being will be fulfilled. Faith that he can take a ruined marriage and make it whole.

Faith that he is God and I am not.

Faith that he sees the big picture and that I am but a speck.

Faith that he existed before time began and that he will exist long after my time in this world is over.

Faith that he does truly love me and care about my hurts.

Faith

Something I will continue to strive for.

Faith

One small word with such great meaning.

Faith

My whole life.