Silence

Silence.

It's a funny thing. It can be deafening and so loud you can barely hear yourself think in one moment and in the next it can feel so calm and peaceful. It can feel like a warm embrace or it can feel like a cold grip that won't let go.

I have a love hate relationship with silence. Sometimes I crave it and wish I had a few moments to just be and think when life starts to swirl around me. In those moments I run to it like a long lost lover that I can't wait to be reunited with. But then I get there. And I breathe. And the silence closes in. And all the thoughts and feelings I was able to keep at bay when I was running around come crashing down around me. Suddenly, I want to run back to the busy. Back to the distraction. Because at least when I was distracted I didn't have to feel. Didn't have to feel things like sadness and pain and longing unfulfilled.

But what I really need to do in those moments is to sink in and stay. To sink in with that sadness, the pain, the longing. To embrace it like an old friend. To feel it wash over me. To acknowledge that it's there. That it is real. That it is a part of my story. That it hurts.

I have found that when I do that, the cold grip of silence becomes more like a warm embrace. I have found that when I acknowledge the hurting places inside they begin to be mended, ever so slowly. It's still not always pleasant or something I desire, but as I sit in the silence I am healed and grown and made free.



What is your relationship with silence?