Christmas Time...

Christmas 2006

Here is a shot of me and my adorable nephew, Parker. It's hard to believe that the little baby is now a toddler!









Parker got into opening presents more this year than last...although he did take about 20 minutes to open one package because he thought he had to get every little scrap of paper off! It was pretty funny to watch!





















This is one of my favorite shots from the weekend. Parker on my shoulders, and his favorite puppy on his!


Thanks Lord for the blessing of this sweet boy. Please grow him to be a boy who loves and serves you with his whole heart!

Patience...the Never Ending Theme to My Life

Ah, patience. The one word that has been a theme of my life.

“Waiting patiently is suffering through the present moment, tasting it to the full, and letting the seeds that are sown in the ground on which we stand grow into strong plants." -Henri Nouwen

How hard yet how true are these words. Sometimes it seems as if life would be easier if we could turn off emotion and just ride out the storm, but I don’t think that is what the Lord wants us to do. I think He wants us to taste the suffering as well as the sweetness that life throws at us. To embrace the hard times knowing that sometimes the Lord uses fire to refine us and make us shine more brightly like Him, to make us to reflect more and more his beauty.

Lord, help me to remember these words when in the midst of suffering and in the midst of patient waiting that seems like it will never end.

Open House Extravaganza

October 28th was the date of our Open House to celebrate the fact that Danita and I are now proud "new" home owners! It's crazy to think that the house that we have lived in for the last 3 years is now ours-ours to remodel, ours to repaint, ours to fix. It was almost like a right of passage, a stepping more solidly into the world of adulthood. There is no more fooling ourselves that we are still "kids" who have just gotten out of college.

We had stations that
The party was a blast! We had over 100 people show up to give us their support of our new endeavor and a whole bunch more that expressed to us that they wish they could have been there but weren't! I was blown away to say the least! We definitely don't deserve such amazing and seemingly countless people in our lives. I often get overwhelmed by the number of people I try to keep up with and then I have to stop and check myself to remember that not everyone is blessed with too many friends to see, or too many great opportunities to be involved in. There is no way that we deserve these blessings and yet the Lord has so grciously poured them out on us.

I have attached a few picts for the friends far away so that they can get a little taste of the Open House.

We had stations that people could visit that included a guest book where people could sign their names and take a picture, picking paint-we want to paint a couple rooms and asked people to cast their votes for color choices, the art station-we love to do art so we set up a place for people to try their hand at using oil pastels, gobs of food, and a clay and tile station-where people could decorate a tile with clay that we may or may not use to decorate! I think that people had fun with the activities and it gave the kids something to do.


Up above, 2 of my cousins are trying out the oil pastels! I think they made about 12 pictures each! And my friends Jess and Derek making some tiles! They are naturals with the clay!

Overall, I think people had a really good time. I know that we did. We even had one girl tell us that this was the best party that she had ever been to, so we were pleased!

Eye Candy

Fall is one of my most favorite seasons. Vibrant colors leaping out at you from every tree and bush. Swirling together in a type of rainbow that seems to glow and jump right out at you. Being a very visual person, the vibrancy of these colors are like candy to my eyes. I spent some time down by the Mississippi River one afternoon taking some pictures of the area and I wanted to share them with you.

Some flowers that look like they belong to the spring. They were just tiny and delicate.

I love the way the colors bleed from green to orange to red. Each leaf filled with every imaginable blend of color, no two the same.

Thanks Lord for candy for my eyes. For showing your love and your beauty through the magnificence of your creation!

Standing Firm

As my family continues to be in the midst of falling apart I have found myself often in a place of struggling to trust the Lord. Struggling to trust in His goodness. Struggling to trust that He actually cares and responds to the prayers and petitions of His children. Struggling to believe that should the marriage of my parents end in divorce that my God would still be good. That He would still love me and care for me and be faithful to me as much as He has been in the past.

Marriage is meant to be a covenant that 2 people make before the Lord. A covenant that is binding and a covenant that should not be broken lightly. Why is it then that it seems as though God doesn't fight harder for that covenant? Why is it then that so many marriages have crumbled down around me? I am left standing amidst the ruins asking "Where is God now? Why doesn't He care for His children? Why doesn't He fight harder on their behalf for this covenant that was made before Him?" I have wondered for the last 6 or so months what a divorce between my parents would do for my faith. A few months ago when there was talk of it I became angry. I knew that if it should happen that my faith would be rocked-that my faith, already on the brink of collapse, would crumble and I would walk away. I would throw up my hands in despair and in anger at the God who would let something as sacred as marriage fall down broken before Him. In those moments I wanted to give up. Give up on hope, give up on trusting that the Lord and Father I had followed for so long was good and that He cared about the pain that His children were going through. I began to shut down and withdraw into myself. I closed down my heart and my mind because I felt like I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't care anymore. I couldn't hope anymore. It was too hard and it hurt too much. And I felt like my prayers, my cries, my pleas were falling on deaf ears.

Thankfully, I do have a God who is good. I do have a God who hurts when His people hurt. A God who longs just as much as I do for the covenant made before Him to not be broken. I often wonder why a God, who knows the depths of our souls and of our depravity, would choose to give His children free-will. Why He would choose to give His Beloved choices that will make them hurt. I wondered why I ached and prayed and longed so much for a marriage to be healed that was headed nowhere but towards and end. Couldn't I just accept it and move on? Move on toward the healing. Move on toward picking up the pieces of a broken family. But God hasn't let me. He hasn't given me a peace that this is what it is supposed to be. He hasn't given me relief from crying out day and night for my family to be made whole. For my family to taste His sweetness. For my parents to experience a marriage like the Lord created marriage for.

I don't know what is going to happen but I have learned that no matter what the end looks like, I DO have a God who loves me. I DO have a God who is crying because of the pain that I see on the faces of my parents. I DO have a God who wants to be good to His children, a God who loves and adores His children, a God who longs for us to crawl up into His lap to cry, to petition, to pray, to listen. I will fight to have hope in an end that doesn't include the words divorce and broken family. I will fight to believe in a God who can do immeasuarbly more than anything we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). An end that includes tasting the Lord's sweetness that much more because of the junk and pain and suffering that had to be waded through to get there. Because I have a God through whom nothing is impossible and all things are possible (Mark 10:27). A God who delights in showing up in ways we would never dream or expect.

"I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You established Your faithfulness in heaven itself."
Psalm 89:2

Tattered, Torn, Wrecked but in the end GOOD

"Here I am in my fifth YouthWorks summer, and nothing has been easy, mostly because of how often I have been confronted with my own sin and messiness. My impatience with imperfect people has distanced me from some of my staff. Selfishness has led me to fight every step of the way when things weren’t going my way – whether that means arguing with my boss or getting mad at God. Disobedience has made me resist the steps that God would have me take, and He’s had to drag me down the narrow road kicking and screaming at times. Laziness has made me complacent about spending time praying and reading God’s word. All of this has come together to make me crabby, emotional, irritable, and a generally not-nice person. I feel like this summer has brought out the worst in me, and I am wearing my sin like a dingy white t-shirt."

-Jenilyn

Wow! Thank you to my dear friend Jenilyn for putting words to my 5th YouthWorks summer. Last year(summer 05) was my fifth and by far the hardest summer personally/spiritually/emotionally yet! I left the summer feeling like I was thrown into a massive messed up heap on the floor with only the Love and Care of my Father able to pick me up and make me whole. I felt battered and beaten so often last summer that I just expected the blows to come. Blows of my selfishness, blows from my pride, blows from my faults so filling my vision that nothing else could be seen. And just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, another attack would come from the other side...totally taking me off guard.

The amazing thing is that I made it through the summer with my faith intact, barely. But God was there. He was there amidst my junk, my weakness, my ugliness. He was there with arms wide open ready to bring me back in, dust me off, glue back together the pieces of my shattered life to make me beautiful, to make me His Beloved.

I would pay to not have to go back to that place, but I am so grateful because I was able to leave that summer saying "My God is good. I am wrecked, but my God is good. I am shattered on the floor, tired, exhausted, weary, hurting, but my God is good."

Praise the Lord that He is a GOOD God. A God who loves His children so much that He allows them to be put through the fire (hot, intense, thick fire) only to come out on the other side reflecting more and more HIS beautiful image. Oh that I would rejoice in my sufferings because I know that in the end they are good.

sisters becoming friends

today i am thinking a lot about my sisters. siblings are funny things. one moment you love them and would do anything for them and the next you want them to go away, never to return. because of the age gaps (4 years between me and one, and 6 years between me and the other) and because of our temperaments, i would usually get along with the baby of the family while me and the middle child would be at each others throats. sure we would have our moments of piece and goodwill toward one another but more often i think my mom would have liked to lock us in separate rooms where we couldn't beegging the other on to anger and frustration. me and the youngest, on the other hand, because there was such an age gap, usually got along great. she was my little sister. i took her under my wing. i showed her off to my friends. when i was in 6th grade and her kindergarten class was next door to mine, i made sure she got there ok and even brought her in to hang out with the "big kids" from time to time.

the cool thing is that as we have grown older the age gap has seemed to become smaller and smaller. my sisters are turning into my confidants and friends. i miss them when i don't get to see them very often. i have spent much money on gas to go and visit for a day because i know it is worth it. it excites me to think how far we have come-from being people forced to share space, breathing air and toys, to people who plan time to be together, to people who call one another to lean on, to people who enjoy spending time together. oh, we still have those moments of frustration and anger towards one another but it's ok because i know my sisters love me. and i know that no matter what happens that they will stick by me, faults, obnoxious habits, and all!

Ezekiel and Me

"Then I looked, and I saw a hand stretched out to me. In it was a scroll, which he unrolled before me. On both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe. And he said to me, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel." So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat...then he said to me; "Son of man, go now to the house of Israel and speak my words to them. You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and difficult language...whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. But the whole house of Israel is not willing to listen to you because they were not willing to listen to me, for the whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate."
Ezekiel 2:9-3:7

I read this passage a few days ago and it continues to strike me as I think about it even now. It makes me think of missionaries, the people that we so often to send to far away lands to "people of obscure speech and difficult language," and how hard it is to be a missionary right here in the US, in a place that is full of a language and a people that we understand for the most part. Why is it still true today, as it was so many years ago, that people are more willing to listen when you are from a country and a life that is not like their own.

It makes me think of YouthWorks and the many teens, adults and communities that we work with. So often youth and adults who come to our sites from similar places as us have a hard time hearing. They have a hard time getting past the fact that we are similar to them. That we speak in the same tonal sounds as them. That our accent is similar to theirs. That we use the same lingo and jargon. And because of this they have a hard time hearing and believing the words we are speaking to them about the Lord...about cooking in the kitchen...about driving directions to ministry sites.

It also makes me think of myself. How often have I not listened to someone because they were not of "obscure and difficult speech," because they were younger than me or older than me or not as mature as me or whatever excuse I happen to come up with as a reason not to open my ears to hear from them? And how often do I do that to God? How often am I like an Israelite with a hardened and obstinate heart? How often have I thought that my limited view and knowledge of something was correct and unchangeable? And when I recognize myself doing that how do I turn around and soften my hardened heart?

This passage also gives me hope. Hope in the fact that I have a Father who gives me the wisdom and the words to say when I am the one who is sent to speak to people. Hope that I am not drifting alone out in a sea of uncertainty and doubt. Hope that He won't leave me nor forsake me. Hope that despite the wretched one that I am alone, God can use me to push people into his arms. God can use me to speak hope, love, truth, and challenge. God can place the words in my mouth to utter and to proclaim loudly to His people. Not because I am worthy or brilliant or have all the answers, but because He can take this piece of clay and turn it into a beautiful creation.

Oh spirit, rejoice that you are not alone!
Oh body, revel in the fact that you were created beautiful in His eyes and in His image!
Oh tongue, take heart that good can come forth from you!
And mind, be at peace knowing you don't have to know all the answers or see all the outcomes.

Worlds Apart

Worlds Apart, by Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love, To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tear Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray, To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

Worlds Apart.


how i love the lyrics to this song! this is a song that almost speaks to who i am and who i want to be. i want the Lord to take my world apart. i want the Lord to reveal all the junk and ugliness inside of me. so often i cry out to the Lord to take me apart. to show up in my life. to wash me clean of the junk that suddenly takes over and tries to choke me.

why did He have to die for me? why does he love me when i can barely love myself? why do i simply need to fall into the arms of grace when i am a wretched and broken person!

Parker!

Although I have yet to be blessed with a man I can grow old and live this journey with, God has blessed me an incredible little man whom I adore! My nephew Parker continually brings joy and laughter into my life.

Parker is 20 months old and has just recently been trying to day my name. Although, it really doesn't sound anything like Kari, just hearing him try melts my heart everytime!

I have been so so blessed that the Lord has placed this young man in my life! I continue to pray that he would grow up to be a man who runs after and loves the Lord!

Open My Eyes!

So apparently I am not very good at this blog thing...Although as my dear friend Anita knows I only signed up for it so I could post comments on her blog.

But anyway, I thought that I should try to begin. My life really has been a journey lately. Literally as well as spiritually and emotionally. I had the priviledge of doing a bunch of travel for work this past month, something I swore off when I took this new job last fall, and it has been great. It was an amazing reminder to be out on mission sites seeing the lives of youth and adults change, watching staff be stretched and challenged and knowing that God is going to do great things in their lives this summer. It made me miss being a more hands-on part of the action. Out in the field getting dirty working on little sleep and being pushed pulled and prodded on every side. I know that I made the right decision staying at home this summer and working out of the office but I have once again been crying out to the Lord and asking Him to show me why He has me here.

"Open your eyes" is the YouthWorks theme this summer and I have been asking God to do just that for me. I have asked Him to open my eyes to whatever it is that He wants me to see. Right now my eyes are being opened to the fact that I have a God who loves me in spite of everything I am and do, and that I have a God who wants nothing more from me than for me to crawl up into His lap to be loved by him. I marvel that by me falling in love with and taking time to be with God I can be changed and made beautiful. How did I ever deserve such a gift? How am I worthy of a love like this? Why did my Jesus have to and choose to die so that I could be with Him forever...despite the fact that day after day I fall down?

I have no idea how God is going to open my eyes this summer...but I am waiting in anticipation to see that which I know He will do: amaze me, love me, take care of me, wrap His loving arms around me.

"...but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me." Psalm 18:18, 19

Lord, may I be someone who is worthy of your delight!

Ah a blog. A place where someone can get out of themselves all the random thougths and musings they possess. A place to voice frustrations, anxietys, joys, journeys, and receipes. A place that coule be for some, a diary out in cyberspace. Now the question is...what should I use my blog for?